365 Days

I have ALWAYS been a fan of birthdays. My birthday - your birthday - your kids birthday. You let me know, and I'll be there ready to eat cake and buy you a cute present. There is something about celebrating life, no matter how old you get, because I'll tell you like I tell my neighbor...It's better than the alternative. My cousin found this old picture and put it on facebook. He said I look like "Hey, it's my birthday, give me more presents." I think it kinda captures the joy I have had over a life time of celebrating all birthdays.

With that being said, my birthday last year was not one I care to remember. The people who love me, family and friends, did their best to help me celebrate...but never in my life have I wanted a day to be over as bad as I wanted May 27th, 2010 to end. I felt like I had nothing to celebrate. I haven't looked back in my blog to see if I even posted about that birthday...I don't want to remember it.

I had the pleasure of having an early dinner with a dear friend tonight. We talked and talked about God's blessings, some I have poured out to my readers (all five of you), and some that I'm just not ready to share yet, but will very soon. Almost a year ago, we sat at dinner with my mom and cried about my friends struggles, about my struggles...and basically just had a pity party. Sometimes us gals need those in order to life each other up and crawl out of our pit. As we were getting into the car she tapped on my window and she said, "Allison, it's pretty amazing the difference a year can make." Last year I didn't even know who I was anymore...I was questioning everything about my life...and have FINALLY come to realization that God allows us to go through our struggles to only make us stronger, to use these struggles to help others, and to prepare us for the future.

Tonight after sharing some pretty personal things in Bible study one of the ladies asked this question, "Don't you think that God sometimes uses our darkest moments to prepare us for the blessings he has in store?" When I think about the blessings I have in my life right now, I wasn't ready for them 365 days ago. Dr. Stanley has said in several of his sermons if things are going right in your life you better watch out, because its time for something to knock you off the mountain top. I realize my journey from 'the pit to the palace' won't always be on top of the mountain, but I do feel better prepared for whatever God has planned in my future - good and bad - Because lets face it - He never promised me a bed of roses.

Year 27 is ending much better than it began. I have nothing but hope for year 28. Come what may, I have a Lord who has poured his perfect love into my heart. I have a wonderful family, although we aren't perfect (hey, whose family is), and friends that are more precious to me than gold. Tonight - I am thankful for you all. Thank you for loving me in the pit, and loving me out of it.

The Proverbs 31 Woman

Yep - I'm going there - this is going to be a long one, so either sit down and fasten your seat belt or come back later when you have a few moments to sit and ponder it all...

For the past four weeks my small group Bible study has been breaking the book of Ruth apart, pretty much verse by verse. I remember Ruth from the Sunday school point of view, but as a 27 year old woman whose has grown so much closer to the Lord over the past eight months I am seeing it from a totally different point of view.

Over various events in the past week the Proverbs 31 Woman has been laid on my heart, taught in my Sunday School class, preached from the pulpit...and even come up in the most unexpected conversations. During one particular conversation I asked a friend, aren't we supposed to attempt to be her? Some women are so terrified of failure that they won't even attempt. I rather fail again and again trying to be her, than to automatically throw my hands up in the air and quit before I even started.

With that being said, lets look at this phenomenal woman:

10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. "

Did you know - in the Hebrew Bible that the book of Ruth and the book of Proverbs were neighbors? Ruth is the Proverbs 31 woman.

With all of that being said...here is where I'm at...

I have always been a 'people watcher'...As I grow older and have the desire in my heart to some day be a wife and mother...I particularly watch married women and how their relationship with the Lord shapes their relationship with their husbands...and with their children...and their families...However, last weekend it hit me like a ton of bricks...These women aren't' just setting examples for their children, or working on the love triangle with their husbands and God - These women...They have an obligation to me. They have an obligation to any single, dating, and/or engaged woman to set an example of what the Proverbs 31 woman looks like. I am not saying that all the single gals out there need to put their married friends on pedestals...but I am saying that I am a young woman and I watch people, especially my women Christian friends...and I take in their words, actions, and relationships like a sponge.

In conclusion...this same topic came up again in my Bible study this week (today when I was working on it actually). I began to think...if it is having such a great effect on me, my heart, my walk with the Lord, and my potential future...maybe...just maybe...it could help someone else. So if you stuck with me thus far - great. I hope in some small way it touches you as much as it has me. May God bless you, and remember, we aren't perfect, but we can always improve in our walk with the Lord and the example we set for others.

Grandma's Garden

Isn't it funny, how one simple gesture can bring back a flood of childhood memories? A friend of mine sent me a beautiful picture of a buttercup today...Yep, the simple yellow ones you often find growing in random places...like the ditch....Little did I know, that hours later I would still be thinking about it...and I knew if I didn't write what was on my heart I may never go to sleep tonight.

My Grandma Rose has the greenest thumbs of anyone that I know...in fact I would argue with you that all ten of her fingers are green. I have so many fond childhood memories with her, and most of them were time we spent in her yard. She would spend hours every spring planting flowers that she knew would only live a season, and she could make them last longer than anyone I know. From one end of the shrubs in the back yard to the other she would dig tiny holes as my brother and I would follow behind dropping the small plants in, watering them, covering them back up with soil, watching them grow throughout the season. As my brother got older and spent more time on the farm, I continued my time with Grandma, especially over Spring break and the summer.

Although she only lives about a mile from my parent's house, I would beg to go spend the night with her on the weekends. I recall one spring break I spent nearly the entire week out of school with her. Our favorite snack was a bowl of Cheetos and these peanut butter cookies that I can still see and smell...but know for a fact you can't buy them anywhere. We would walk up and down the chicken house path, talking about everything under the sun. And it seems like every new years eve as a Child, I can remember sitting on the love seat in her living room watching the ball drop while eating ice cream. She used to eat vanilla ice cream with for supper with her cup of coffee.

She loves Jesus, and reading her Bible. When we weren't outside digging in the dirt, we were either inside practicing my spelling words or playing Bible Tic Tack Toe...I have no idea where she got that game from but I do know I rather play that any day than anything else she had in that toy cabinet.

I could sit here tonight, and write a novel about all of the memories with my Grandma Rose that I hold so near and dear to my heart...but today I've just spent a lot of time thinking about her, her love of her garden...her love of her family.

Grandma Rose isn't the same woman she was when I was a child. She isn't the same woman she was ten years ago...or even five. Each passing day seems to be robbing her of what little memory she has left, and the ones she does have seem to be clouded and mixed up. She still lives at home and has 24 hour care. We gradually see her slipping away. It has broken the hearts of her children, her grandchildren, and the others who love her dearly. I know, it happens sometimes when people get older. I know that she has had a wonderful life and is physically healthy even though her mind is not. Some people wonder why we find it so important to still celebrate holidays with her when she won't remember tomorrow that today was Christmas (or what have you)...But this is why...She may not have these memories...but we will.

My heart is a little bit sad tonight...but also full of joy for the time God has allowed me with her and will continue to allow in His Will. I credit her for the Christian I am today and for never being too busy to spend time with me, or too impatient to let me help her in her garden.

God's Crock Pot

Sometimes...I just get stuck...

Yesterday I spent a great amount of time on my front porch enjoying the beautiful day that God created for us. Gilbert and I enjoyed the sunshine so much - sometimes we get tired of each other in this house!

After an amazing time of worship yesterday morning I craved more time with my Savior. I did a good bit of reading and Bible study outside yesterday. I have NEVER been a faithful journal writer, even after some great friends gave me the advice to start last year, I didn't stick with it. Lately, I've been working more towards a prayer journal. God wants to talk to us in any form or fashion, but I find it therapudic to write my prayers to him. Yesterday before I wrote my prayer I went back to day one of this journal, started a litle over a year ago. Reading through it I realized how far God has brought me since last March. I won't get into personal details of my journal....because that's what a journal is, personal details meant for that person only.

Last night I returned to church for a fantastic series about Joseph entitled "From the Pit to the Palace". Everything that was said last night was God speaking straight to my heart. God's providents in my life is always methodical and often mysterious. He uses the people we meet, the messages we recieve, and the ministries he blesses us with to reveal his plan for our life. Sometimes...when I'm stuck...I cry out to the Lord, asking for him to just show me the answer, open the door, open my heart...but I constantly remind myself that it's God's time, not my own. In the words of the pastor - "God doesn't work with a microwave, he works with a crock pot."

So...now I'm sitting in the crockpot, waiting see what kind of masterpiece God is fixin' in the kitchen. :)

When Tragedy Strikes...

So...My Bible study group and I have been into our study on David for about four weeks now. It is truly changing my life. First off, I am so thankful for the opportunity to sit in the living room with Christian women studying God's word and learning from each other without the fear of someone bursting down our door and harming us. We take so much for granted!

Second, I am blessed beyond measure by these women each week. I honestly believe that God has placed each of them in my life for a reason. One year ago Ashley and I began a study together that brought us closer together as friends and closer to God, through that, the door opened for our group to grow and for God to work. There came a time in my life when I felt like I was completely drying up spiritually and God showed me that we cannot depend on others to do the feeding. Tonight, on our Bible study video, Beth Moore said, "What are you going to do, when it's only you?" I was to a point, it was only me. I had the option of caving into it, crawling under a rock, and waiting...or to take the situation into my own hands, start working on my relationship with Christ and asking for his will again.

Third, and most importantly, I can feel God drawing me closer to Him on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days when I have to fight the Devil away (he sure does turn it up a notch when he realizes your fire has grown). Each Bible study that Ashley and I have done together (I say that because we are now on number four, with five additional friends), we talk about how perfect the timing is...Once again, that holds true with David.

So, with all of that being said, here is where I am at...

- I must continue to seek God and stop trying to please people - you can't do both.

- Sometimes God requires you to come to him with a group of people, and sometimes he wants only you.

- Sometimes God is silent but still working.

- When we are convicted about something, and get it out of our lives, this clears the way for God to make his next move.

- Sometimes...God has to completely break your heart, in order to heal it and make his will known.

- You can find a great church, you can listen to the right radio station, you can pick all the right friends...but unless you have a personal relationship and time with God on a regular basis, you'll never experience fully what he has in store for you. You must seek him at home, at work, at play...All throughout your day!

I'm so excited about what he has in store for my future. I know that he has a lot of work left to do with me, but I am finally feeling ready for it. This Bible study is pulling up feelings and experiences that I've kept deep inside, some of them tragic...But as they come to the surface it's almost like peeling off layers finding who I truly am. God never promised us a bed of roses, but he did promise to stand beside us during the storms.

Whiter than Snow

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

I think the idea and the commitment that come with new years resolutions are physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. The pressure we put on ourselves to choose one or two, then to actually carry them out...exercise every day, eat right, read more, clean more, right our wrongs...Not that these in any way are a bad thing, but sometimes we can become so wrapped up in them that in a way, we loose our self and what our focus should really be on.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I put my entire heart into whatever I do, from the menial task of cleaning the house, to my job in the media center that I attempt to put 110% into on a daily basis. If an idea comes across my mind and I think it's great but know I wouldn't be able to give it 100%, I have to put it out of my mind, and over time have actually learned to say the word no, even though I still struggle with that. When I fail at anything I repeatedly beat myself up over it. Over the course of my time off work I've been praying a lot and doing a bit of soul searching, and asking the question, what is it, we as humans, should have as our main priority. Well obviously, our priority is to glorify God and walk closer with him each day...Unfortunately at times, that is easier said than done.

This year instead of making a resolution, I want to make a commitment (I know - in some context they are the same) to myself, and to God. In 2011 I want to fall hopelessly in love with Jesus who loved me enough to die for me. I want him to be my focus everywhere, and in every relationship that I have. In my heart, I truly believe that if this is what I strive for, everything else will fall into place. Relationships that seem to be tatterred will mend, frustrations that seem to knock me off my path will fade away, and the disappointment I have in myself will turn into Hope through the love of Jesus. There will still be days when I am tempted by Satan to gossip, or to be lazy when things need to be done, but little by little I will get there.

Today, I am thankful for a fresh start. Today, I am thankful that years ago, God washed me, and made me as white as snow, and gives me the opportunity to do that again on a daily basis by simply asking.

Graduation Day

Well - it's finally over. Sometimes the past two years of my life seem to be a blur, others they seem filled with events and emotions that made me grow old...fast...Some dealing with grad school, others not so much. I made a concious effort to enjoy every single moment of this day, and the people that spent it with me. I always find the closing of a chapter in life a little bittersweet. Something I've been working so hard toward and putting my effort into, no longer needs my effort, not in the same way anyway. Wonder what the next chapter will hold...