Lydia Jane

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Last week, I was itching for a road trip and my heart was leading me towards a weekend with my aunt. What better way to start, and to finish, my weekend than a little pit stop in South Port to meet Lydia Jane.

This whole growing-up thing is so surreal. One day Amy and I are kids, playing in the back yard, chasing the basset hounds, and getting stung by wasp, and the next we are grown, cleaning our houses and working full time jobs. Amy has been a lot like a sister to me, especially as we have gotten older. She is a wonderful Christian woman and such a wonderful example for many young people that she works with at her church, and that she teaches are her school.

She called me about three years ago to share some very exciting news. After a while of being single, and a lot of heartfelt prayer, God had put someone very special into her life and she was 'pretty sure' he was the one. A year later, we were attending her wedding...A year later a baby shower...

I will tell you, being a single girl with her own desires and ideas in your heart some parts of growing up are hard. Going to weddings and baby showers are sometimes a task to hard to face, especially alone...But with Amy things were different. We had been in the same 'boat' for a while, and on the night she called to tell me she was engaged she said to me, "Allison, don't give up. I am here to tell you that God still has some good ones left out there." People tell me that all the time, but from Amy, I actually believed it. Her wedding was certainly one to remember, a day that was not centered on her, but centered on her and Gary's unity in Christ. The Lord was certainly in that place.

Now Amy is a mom, and Lydia is perfect in every way. It was great being a part of the experience when she 'announced' Jane as the middle name at her baby shower - a surprise her mom never saw coming. I look forward to playing a part in Lydia's life, and being her honorary aunt. Today, I am simply thankful for 'baby love'.

5 Years Ago Today...

I've been dreading this day for weeks. Why is it that sometimes things get a little easier to handle with time, but others get harder? Maybe it's the time that separates us from that terrible night, maybe it's the space that separates us from family that used to be a stone's throw away. Perhaps it's that tiny bit of regret from actually saying the word no...maybe it's not knowing a good thing until it's gone.

Five years and approximately two weeks ago today I babysat my cousin Jim's kids. I remember the excitement Jim had when he showed me what was left of his 40th birthday cake. This was no ordinary cake you see, it had his photo scanned into the edible icing. He was so attached to the picture - he 'spooned' the cake away from around the edges, and offered me a spoon so I could join him...but cautioned me to only eat around the edges and not to ruin his picture.

What seemed like only a few days later, as my family and I were settling down for the night, a terrible knock came wrapping on the door. One of those knocks that makes you jump out of bed and want to grab your shotgun because you don't know who is on the other side of the door or what they want. To our heartbreak, our neighbors were on the other side letting us know there had been a wreck, not a mile down the road, and that Jim was thought to be dead.

Jim? Who? What? Where?...WHY? Everything was such a blur, can we go back to bed? Pretend it's a dream? Do we go to his house and tell his wife, she shouldn't be alone with the kids? Who will go to Myrtle Beach to get Aunt Emily and bring her home? Someone call Todd...such a blur...so many unanswered questions...

I won't go through the details of that sleepless night or the weekend that followed, but I think saying goodbye to Jim was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Jim was by no means a perfect man. He made mistakes. He made wrong choices. He said wrong things. Tell me, have you never done any of those? I sure have...But Jim was the person who would share what little extra cash he had with a person who had less than he just to get them through a hard time, or make their Christmas a little brighter. He was the type of person who noticed the small things. Jim was the one who would speak first. He was the type of person that loved his Grandma Rose. He was the person that was taken for granted by some before his death. He was the type of person who appreciated a good birthday cake.

Things have changed so much since Jim passed away. Some people were changed forever, their lifestyles, choices and habits. Some people got deeper into their habits, looking temporary comfort in inappropriate places. Some of us wanted to help with flowers, some of us wanted to help clean the house, some of us felt an urge to comfort his wife and his boys. Some people wanted to just get away. Life is just different...so different. It's hard to believe that five years have already passed since that life changing night. Death is inevitable, but the sudden unexpected death of someone you love, someone young...is just hard. I don't know any other way to put it.

Thanks for letting me ramble. Today I'm thankful for the people who understand exactly what I mean. I truly believe God allows our trials in order to help others through similar situations. Hopefully one day I can use what I've learned to help someone. Until then, I will go on loving, especially imperfections, because that is how God loves me.