Happy Birthday Ayden

Dear Ayden -

Today we celebrated your first birthday...Many of your friends and family released balloons in your honor. As I watched them quickly drift into the sky I imagined you reaching out to grab one. As soon as the thought crossed my mind the yellow balloon went through the clouds. It sounds silly, but I imagine you holding it now. Running through the streets of Heaven - you must have so many balloons floating around you!

We wish we could have celebrated with you here today. I bet you would have loved mushing cake in your face and opening up gifts. And smiling for the camera - you were a natural at that! You had the ultimate birthday party with Jesus and the angels today though. I bet "Happy Birthday" sounds a lot different when sung by the angels.

There are so many lessons you taught me during your four months, and continue to teach me today. I am so thankful for two little girls in my life, Anna Kate and Sarah Dunn, who were born only a few weeks before you were. I take NO moment with these two girls for granted, they are such a blessing from God, as are you.

Little one, do you know how much you are loved and missed? We all think about you every day. We are a little jealous that you got to meet Jesus before we did and look forward to seeing you again one day. Ayden, I will never forget. You are always in my heart and on my mind.

Love,

Allison

Reasons to Relay

This weekend was the annual Nash County Relay for Life. This is a cause that I've only become involved with over the past five years. The school I use to work at puts in a huge effort to raise funds for the American Cancer society and always puts their heart and soul into it. This was the first year out of five that I was not a part of their team. Although I had transferred last year, my current school did not have a team and I was welcomed back by the BES team. This year our small school put up a good effort with about ten dedicated individuals that made it happen. Friday night was a bitter sweet one. It was a transition from my old Relay family to my new one. It was a time to stop and reflect on those who have fought the battle and won it, and those who have fought the good fight and gone on to their eternal resting place. I have so many reasons to Relay.

I relay for Richard - A dear friend who taught us all what it meant to be a great friend and to live life to its fullest. He lost his short battle in May of 2007.

I relay for Kay - The first one who had enough faith in my teaching abilities to hire me to educate first grade students. The proud grandmother of Anna-Kate, mother of Josh and Will, and friend to many. She is a SURVIVOR!

I relay for Jackie - One of the most amazing women that I know. The truest definition of a friend and of a Christian. She is a SURVIVOR.

I relay for a dear friend's daughter - Someone I never knew, but feel like I did. She changed the world in more ways than she will ever know, and continues to on a daily basis. She lost her battle in April of 2008.

I relay for the ones in the future who will have to fight this terrible demon. For those who will win, and for those who will put up a good fight and find an eternal home.

I relay for our future children and grandchildren - may they find the cure that we all long for.

Today I am thankful for the four people mentioned above, and many others who have been effected by this disease. May we all take NOTHING for granted, because life can change in an instant.

Up...Up...and Away!

Well...not really considering the balloon was tied to vehicles 25 feet below, but it was still an awesome experience. Our school held it's annual science day on Friday and boy were the teachers in for a treat (there's a new one for ya). Our fantastic AIG teacher arranged for the REAMAX hot air balloon to make a visit for all of the kids and staff to see and learn about. Little did we know that four of us would become 'honorary' crew members. Holding those ropes was much harder than it looked! Once the balloon was right side up the majority of teachers took a ride, most for the first time ever. This has been something on my 'bucket list' for quite a while, I only have one regret. We should have cut the ropes and just kept drifting. Therefore, I have decided the next time that I visit Lancaster, PA I will be doing this very thing. A good friend and co-worker has done it before and says it is a must. I'm ready for my next adventure and to see more of God's beautiful creation by flight.

As I Go On My Way

So I am just going to lay it on the line - I really struggled with my Bible Study this week. When Ashley walked in the door last night I said, "You will have to do all the talking because I have nothing to say, seriously number six is completely blank." It was one of those lessons while you read it you are thinking...waiting...knowing exactly what's suppose to come out of it...but it never quite does...or didn't until today anyway.

One of the assignments (number six actually) was to finish the following sentences when considering how I could practically administer Christ's love
As I go on my way...
As I go out of my way...
In all kinds of ways...

Did you ever see the movie Pay it Forward? What an awesome little kid taking a school assignment above and beyond, we could all learn a lot from him. Ashley had a great idea of 'paying it forward' as she 'went on her way' and said she wanted to go through a drive through this week and pay for the car behind her in line. How awesome would that be to receive such a simple yet thoughtful unexpected gift? The person behind you could be having the worst possible day and that could be a huge boost.

I went through a drive through tonight and the thought of that didn't cross my mind until it was too late. I was also preoccupied by the girl working the drawer at the window...as people would place orders through the speaker she would smack her lips and roll her eyes - as I said please and thank you she just went through the motions...doing her job with a terrible attitude...personality of a wet mop I always like to say. Not ten feet away from the drive through window this hit me...

As I go on my way I can show God's love by providing a smile and a God bless you to total strangers...like the girl at the drive through window. She was apparently having a very bad day...or maybe that is her personality...but she definitely needed to see God's love.

God has been working on my heart a lot over the past few months, but today it almost came to a breaking point. Without going into a lot of detail I will share this...God put someone into my life at the beginning of the school year. I've found it extremely difficult to get past certain attitudes and behaviors of this person. The opportunity has come up this year not only to show me that God had a sense of humor but was also trying to change my heart. I...like the girl at the drive through...went through the motions...but my heart never changed. This person is possibly facing the hardest days of his/her life and has a very small support system. I found myself offering this person a heart felt, "I know we aren't your family, but we are all here for you." I truly feel like that. The circumstances of recent days have made me realize how fast life can change. We have no right to judge people because they are different. My sudden reaction to the words out of my mouth today was - how dare you offer this person comfort, think of all the negative thoughts you've had and even negative words you've said...

As I go out of my way, I will make more effort to help someone who shares many different opinions and attitudes than I through a possibly difficult time.

Today I am thankful for a change of heart...it's still in progress, but it is certainly in the works.

Ayden - Forever Angel

August 25th, 2009 was a day that changed my life forever, but before I get into the events of that day I need to share with you the months that led up to it.

Lindsay was always a planner. She liked to have a timeline of how and when she wanted things to happen. Get married after college, check. Get a masters soon after, check. One Friday night at Chili's the all powerful 'baby' question came up and she laid it down on the line for us. She would finish grad school in a few months and have baby number one shortly after...sure enough that's exactly how it happened. I was so excited, she was my first high school friend to be expecting and several of us took it upon ourselves to become 'honorary' aunts. Weeks before Ayden joined this great big world, her sister threw the perfect baby shower, right down to the baby ducks floating in the blue punch.

Time passed and we anxiously checked facebook and text messages for an update that he was making his entrance. Finally, on April 27, 2009 Ayden Brooks Jones entered the world, and I for one could not wait to meet him. A lot of people felt that way about Ayden, we knew he was going to be something special. Earlier in my Arizona post I mentioned that the Grand Canyon could be God's greatest masterpiece...I take that back. Babies surpass the Grand Canyon by far.

I remember my first time holding Ayden. I did not know what kind of parents Lindsay and Jeremy would be as far as when it came right down to letting others hold him, but thankfully they felt pretty comfortable with me (I guess). One of my favorite memories is when I had him laying across my legs, tiny head in the palm of my hands and arms stretched out across my own...With my thumbs I rubbed his fuzzy hair as he slept peacefully. Lindsay assured me that I had found his favorite sleeping position and I really think I could have sat there forever...

As the weeks past Ayden learned new thing, how to laugh, play, roll over and eat food from a jar. Lindsay would post videos, pictures, and blogs to keep us all updated. Not that we live too far away, but it wasn't a visit we got to have every weekend to check the progress for ourselves.

On August 25th my cell phone rang immediately after school. I thought it was odd to receive a phone call from my friend Kristina, who teaches at a local high school, on the first student day, but I answered and started making small talk about the events of the new school year. Her tone let me know there was something wrong. Without going into so much detail, she proceeded to tell me that little Ayden had passed away that morning. WHAT? ARE YOU SURE? I could not believe it, SIDS I knew about, but that kind of stuff doesn't happen to people you know...right? And not Ayden - he was perfect. That afternoon was spent making numerous phone calls and responding to what felt like hundreds of e-mails, some from people I barely knew. No one had the answers, no one knew what to do or say, no one understood why. The next day I woke up thinking it was all a dream...but this was reality...this was the harshest dose of reality ever experienced.

Two days later we went to Ayden's celebration of life service. August 27th...the day that we should be celebrating his 4 month birthday. I cannot put into words the experience of his service, and I am not going to try. Lindsay and Jeremy spoke at his service and wanted two things, for Ayden never to be forgotten, and for his life to make a difference.

Before August 25th I had always been a fan of music, but never really appreciated it. Sure I would hear the lyrics of a song and think, oh that reminds me of such and such. After Ayden's death there were several songs that became his, I consider them his anyway. They include: There Will be a Day, East to West, Held, Hold my Heart, and Praise you in this Storm. Sometimes these songs make me angry, sometimes they make me cry, sometimes they make me smile. How often do we stand in church and sing the words of a song, expressionless, going through the motions, and not really taking into consideration what they mean? I am certainly guilty more times than not. I am thankful for the music that makes me think of Ayden. The emotions I feel when hearing them are a gift from God - a gift of happy memories, a gift of remembrance, a gift of hope for an eternal future, a gift of never forgetting a baby that taught me more in four months than I could ever learn from a text book or professor.

Today I am thankful for Lindsay and Jeremy. They are wise beyond their years and quite possibly the two strongest Christians that I know. I am thankful that God put them in my path and kept them there. I am blessed to call them friends. I am thankful for Ayden who continues to teach me us how to love unconditionally every day, and to take nothing for granted. Thank you Lord for the days that are harder than others, the opportunity to carry a small fraction of the pain for two of my friends is one I am thankful for. I am thankful for Collen who will be here soon and all of the joy that he will give to the people that already love him dearly.

Arizona

Many of you know that I spent the 2010 Spring Break in Arizona visiting Bonnie, Todd, Jake, and Emmie. This trip was one years in the making and now that they will be headed back this way in the Summer/Fall it was time to take the plunge. The trip could not have come at a better time. My body, mind, and spirit needed a break from the reality that is my life.
For those of you that know my biggest weaknesses are spelling and geography, you will not be surprised to know that a few days before the trip I literally had to look at a map to realize exactly how far Arizona is from North Carolina. Being that far from home was such a strange feeling. I've never been any farther West than Texas so this was quite an adventure for me.

There were many new, or I guess you could say renewed experiences for me, from the plane ride to the helicopter, and being back 'in the saddle again' (literally). There were so many special memories made during this past week and I absolutely loved spending time with my 'southwest family'. It was exciting to wake up on Easter morning and find surprises left by the Easter bunny for Jake and Emmie. Bonnie and I had the best time craftin', taking pictures, and baking (even though that was not a success). I was able to see a side of Todd that I never knew existed. It would take me an entire day to put this trip into words and even then I could never do it justice.

There are, however, two distinct memories that I have from the week that I never want to forget. We were visiting Sedona on Easter Sunday and Bonnie asked me to walk with Emmie and Todd back to the car. She and Jake were on a mission to buy some 'must have' rocks. As Emmie and I were walking back to the car and talking about something silly I'm sure, she reached up without me knowing and held my hand. I wanted to stop and put that moment in a bottle so I could remember it for ever. I love kids, but not being around Emmie and Jake very often I was worried how they would react to me invading their home...This moment let me know that I had been approved. The walk to the car was way too short.

The second memory came the day before. Unless you've ever seen the Grand Canyon you have no idea of its vastness and beauty. I had the opportunity to see it by helicopter with Todd and on foot with all of the family...We spent hours that day just soaking in the wonders of perhaps what is God's most beautiful masterpiece. I had the opportunity towards the end of the day to walk along the rim of the canyon on my own. I found a bench and could feel the presence of God pulling at me to sit and enjoy what He had created. As I sat there I could almost hear him say, "Allison look what I have created for you to enjoy...how can you see this and not believe that everything is in my control? Allison, I am enough." Gosh, just typing the words here bring tears to my eyes. As I sat the hymn "How Great Though Art" came to my mind over and over again. A verse in Psalms also came to mind, "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." I can't explain to you the comfort that those words brought to me that day, and have done for the days that followed. I will attempt to include a picture that ALMOST sums up the feelings of that day.

Today I am thankful for my family. I am truly blessed to be part of a family of believers and who love me no matter what. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve them.

My Temporary Home

For quite some time now I've wanted to start a blog...Shamefully I created one months ago and haven't signed in since, so needless to say I couldn't remember the login info when I tried. After much persuasion from Ashley, and just feeling like the time is right, here I am again.

Over the past week I've heard the song "My Temporary Home" on the radio and it has touched me deeply. Up until last August music never really played a huge key in my life. That transition will be a separate blog for another day. I find myself constantly listening to lyrics as opposed to a favorite artist or a 'good beat'. If you know me I have no rhythm so the beat or tune means very little to me.

I am so thankful that I serve a God who is using my life on Earth as a way to carry out His will. It is also a comfort to me that all the bad things in life, that seem to get worse the older I get, are only temporary. Can you imagine a day when we will stand in front of a God that loved us enough to sacrifice his only son and eternally worship him? I can't wrap my mind around it, but do look forward to it.

Sometimes the business of life gets the better of me. People always say, "God will never give you more than you can handle it." I was a firm believe of that up until a few months ago (stay with me here)...My entire world threatened to swallow me alive - some days it still does...I was, and still do, attempt to conquer not only my issues but the issues of the people that I love the most. I am a fixer, a peace maker, a true and loyal friend...surely it was my responsibility to carry my weight and the weight of others...wasn't it? Besides, God wasn't going to give me more than I can handle, so bring it on. As the days past and other peoples' problems somehow started to be my own and my emotions could not handle the tasks of a normal day I knew something had to give. Not until Ashley and I started working on the Bible study, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, did I realize my thinking was all wrong. God wouldn't give me more than I could handle, but I could give myself more than I could handle. Sure, God asks us to be friends, support systems, but he doesn't expect us to fix everyone else's problems. I was piling the hay stack higher and higher, I put the final straw on that broke the camels back, not God. What have I learned? ... that I have a lot more to learn.

Today I am thankful for friends that do not judge me for my tears or shortfalls. The people that are still standing by me after the dust settles. Thankful for the people that love me unconditionally without thinking somewhere in the back of their mind I could be better if I would just make a few changes about myself.